


Die for You

by acosmist_t



Series: Draco Malfoy One Shots [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Pining Draco Malfoy, Reader-Insert, Sectumsempra Scene | Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter's Duel in the Bathroom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:02:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27912724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acosmist_t/pseuds/acosmist_t
Summary: Based on the song Die for You by The Weeknd; Draco knows he needs to put the distance between - for your own safety. Yet, somethings never quite work out.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Reader
Series: Draco Malfoy One Shots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020781
Kudos: 42





	Die for You

**Author's Note:**

> Word Count: 4.4k
> 
> Warnings: blood ig. there is the sectumsempra scene so i suppose a panic attack and then harry doing that one thing. and angst but happy ending
> 
> a/n: it is 4 am. i am tired. i have had a shitty month but whatever i finally got my ass together and wrote this really quick. it is not my favorite but i need to put something out there. please enjoy this and give me positive feedback cause did i mention its four in the fucking morning <3

“Draco, stop.”

Your voice made him tense, but he kept moving. This is how it had been lately. No time spent together, and what moments you did have were distanced in detachment. You had come to your own conclusions as to why.

“Draco.”

He ignored you, focusing instead on getting as far as possible. You didn’t know where you had messed up. It was one joke, a tease at how you wondered who would die first, Voldemort or Dumbledore.

It had been the wrong thing to say.

Draco had gotten silent, body taut from where the two of you had been lying on his bed. It lasted all of ten minutes before he had stood up, said you should leave, and walked out of his own dorm.

And, of course, you chased after him.

“Draco.”

Again, he didn’t respond, but you noticed he stumbled slightly at the desperation in your voice. You had felt things begin to crumble recently, and now the future was edging into inevitable.

You were going to lose him. It had begun to haunt your nightmares and leak into daydreams. The image of him, dead on the ground, eyes glazed over. The force of it was enough to make your lungs stop functioning completely.

You couldn’t lose him.

“Draco Lucius Malfoy, if you don’t turn around right now, this is over. Stop giving up on us.”

Your words, your threat stopped him. He didn’t turn around, but he also didn’t keep trying to escape from you. When your feet reached his still body, you carefully - so carefully - placed a hand on his arm, begging him to face you.

And when he did, your heart cracked into two clean pieces.

His jaw was clenched, his face troubled. You reached a hand up and gently traced it over his brow - as if you could smooth over the distress with your thumb.

Draco flinched back, turning away once more. The hand still on his arm stopped him from moving, but he refused to meet your eyes. You reached your free hand back up, this time lightly touching his jaw, trying to find some way to take away his pain.

He shuddered, and his voice was barely a whisper when it came out. “I can’t deal with this right now, but please, Y/N,  _ please _ , don’t do this to me.”

The two halves of your heart broke into a million, tiny, fractured pieces.

“What are we, Draco? You are  _ leaving  _ me. I couldn’t stay away from you if I tried,” you asked pleadingly.

His eyes shattered, every sharp edge of the grey taking stab after metaphorical stab at your soul. He looked ready to pull away again, always drawing back when faced with emotion, never willing to welcome them.

Draco spared the deserted corridor one glance around before pulling you into an old classroom. You whispered “ _ Lumos _ ”, allowing your wand to light up the small space between the two of you.

The white light made his face seem even paler, more angular. He had lost so much weight. If he was suffering this badly physically, you couldn’t even stomach the idea of what he was going through mentally.

“Talk to me, Draco.” His face was cold where your hand rested on his cheek, trying to give him even a modicum of comfort.

“I just…” He breathed heavily, composing himself the best he could. “ **I’m findin' ways to articulate the feeling I'm goin' through** .”

A unique type of fear took hold. It wasn’t like the one you felt whenever your thoughts reached the impending war. No, this was something else. There was the tangible type of fear - fear for your safety, fear for your skin, your armor.

And then there was this - this was fear that you had put your trust into something incorrect.

That you had been drastically wrong about everything.

“You- You mean you want to stop being with each other?” you stammered, eyes disbelieving, ears befuddled.

“Yes,” Draco said a little too quickly. At your shock, he swiftly added, “ _ No _ , that’s not- Merlin, this is difficult.”

“Clearly.”

The word left your mouth before you could stop it, fatal poison lacing the two syllables. You tried to retract your hand, but Draco put his on top, keeping it in place. He shifted his face so he could place a small, chaste kiss on your palm.

“I think we should take a break- hear me out, okay?” he asked as you began to protest. “You know my family and their history; I’ve had to keep secrets from you, and it kills me every time. You deserve the truth and someone who can provide it for you without a second thought - I can never do that.”

“Don’t tell me what I deserve. That is for me to decide and me only,” you snapped again, though with considerably less bite.

“I know, love. And I admire your stubbornness. But it has to be this way, you’ve heard the rumors that have been spread about me. All I can say is that not all of them are wrong.”

Comprehension flickered in and out of your eyes, but you didn’t try and question his words. Of course, you had known Draco was keeping secrets, and you could make some assumptions on your own. “I’ll be fine. I have enough love for both of us. Please, Draco.”

He met your eyes instantly, incredulity gathering. “Is that what you think? I  _ need _ you to understand. I am breaking up with you - if we were ever dating in the first place. Point is that what we had,” he pointed between the two of you, “is over.”

Your voice was flat - almost silent - as you spoke. “It doesn’t have to be.”

“Yes,” he said, “it does. I’m done.”

“Draco-”

This time, he took a healthy few steps back, shadows darkening his figure. “Why can’t you understand? I  _ want _ this. Don’t you want me to be happy?”

Guilt set a lump lodged right in your throat. “Obviously I want you to be happy. I just thought you were happy with me-”

Your voice cracked and Draco stilled, self-loathing filling his face. But nonetheless, when he spoke, he didn’t hold back.

“Well, if you want me to be happy, give me this. I have my reasons, and I do not, by any means, want to be with you. Got it?”

You nodded, ready to leave. Dinner was about to be over and you hadn’t eaten all day - not that you had much of an appetite currently. Draco moved out of the way as you stepped toward the door, giving you ample space to move.

The door finished slamming behind you as you murmured, “ _ Nox. _ ”

-

If Draco had hated himself before, then this was absolute abhorrence.

He had been telling the truth when he said you deserved better. Whatever dynamic that had been created between the two of you had been incredible. But that didn’t change the fact that you would be wasting yourself on him.

Draco had never been one to show himself unarmored - not to anyone. Even his very best would never come close to an ounce of what you deserved.

But the look in your eyes when he said what he did...it still wasn’t hate. Sure, you hadn’t been happy, but you only looked at him with desperation and understanding. Even after what he had said.

And weeks later, the moment still tortured him.

He knew you, just as you had him. He knew that, like him,  **you hate that you want him. Hate it when you cry** .

That’s how it had started out. Like the two of you needed to get something out of your system. As much as you said it,  _ this is the last time _ never truly meant the  _ last time _ .

The greatest development had been the acceptance of your mutual feelings.

He was saving you, sacrificing himself just so you had a better chance. And maybe the selfish, cowardly part of him will always make him hate himself for wishing he never let you go.

-

He was gone and he had left and he had placed you in such an unending well of pain that you never thought you could crawl out of it.

It wasn’t the fact that he had wanted to break up with you. Merlin, you got past that a long time ago.

What hurt was not only that he didn’t  _ want _ to be with you, it was that he thought you cared so little for his happiness.

He was Draco and you were Y/N. He was a dickhead and you were the idiot that loved him anyway. He was all that was used and forgotten in the world and you were his salvation.

How could he think you didn’t care?

“Oy, Y/N,” George Weasley called from across the corridor. “Heading to the Great Hall?”

You nodded, not quite listening to his words or the meaning behind him.

“Allow me to walk you there, my lady?” He was at your side in an instant, arm out as if he were trying to court you.

You chuckled a little, still distracted, but took his arm anyway. You couldn’t garner the strength to joke back, and decided a smile would have to suffice.

And clearly, it did. George walked you down the boring corridors, pointing average things out as a tour guide would.

“If you look to your left, you’ll see Professor Slughorn in his natural habitat, snatching up another bottle of mead to hide in his study.” 

You laughed as Slughorn looked over to you and George, shame and intoxication obvious on his face. He winked before continuing away from the Great Hall.

Dinner passed by quickly, the sounds of chatter and clattering plates only serving to increase the pounding in your head. There was a sort of imminence in the air - as if the stars were coming together to align at one precise second.

George wasn’t much help when it came to distracting you. He was sweet and kind and funny and perfect, but he wasn’t  _ him _ . There was no bickering, no banter, no butterflies. George would make jokes and tell you stories and you would smile and nod and think that maybe you’d never get to experience anything like  _ him _ again.

It was one of the saddest things you could fathom.

There were so many worse things in life. Hell, the wizarding world was on the brink of war. Everything was at risk - your friends, your family, your own self. Something as superficial as a broken heart shouldn’t be the thing to bring you down.

It was pathetic.

But here you were, reminiscing on beautiful memories of some of the best times of your life. The sense of completeness, wholeness, that you knew. Except now, everything was shrouded in sorrow. 

Because he was gone. Because he  _ wanted _ it that way.

If he didn’t love you enough, didn’t need you in the way that you needed him, then you would respect his wishes.

That much, you could give him.

-

“It’s okay...just breathe,” Myrtle was telling him, guiding him.

But he couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating, drowning on dry land. There was too much at stake, too much danger. The Dark Lord had Draco in the palm of his hand, and there was no going back now.

He had a task, he had a goal, he had a future.

He never wanted this. His father was always pushing Draco to be something else, to be successful. Lucius Malfoy only expected the very best out of his son; he wanted Draco to be the same Ministry man that he had been.

But if he was being honest, all Draco really wanted was to be happy.

“Tell me what happened - let me help you.”

Myrtle’s words only added insult to injury. Those were things you always told him. Merlin, he missed you. So much. Everything was so, so much.

He had fucked up. His entire life was in ruins because he had supported the wrong cause and there was no backing out and the one person who had ever had hope of saving him was you.

And then he fucked that up too.  **He didn’t want this feeling. He can’t afford love** . 

In a perfect world, he would still be with you and you would both have the lives you planned together and escape the wizarding world and have two beautiful children and be happy. 

So bloody happy.

But instead, he was trapped in so much _goddamn_ _pain_. He was shackled to a life he never asked for, and call him pathetic, but he would do anything to run away from it. Would do anything to be who he wanted, not what anyone asked for.

His hands clutched the sink tighter and his fingers whitened. It was getting nearly painful to breathe around the sobs. He choked on the air and started coughing, everything feeling more and more impossible.

“Don’t,” Myrtle murmured beside him. “Don’t...tell me what’s wrong...I can help you…”

She didn’t understand. “No one can help me. I can’t do it...I can’t...It won’t work...and unless I do it soon...he says he’ll kill me…”

He couldn’t control the sobs as they racked through him and he felt nausea rise. For so long after you split, he felt nothing. He hated himself because he knew how bad he hurt you, and he did practically anything - and anyone - to get over it.

It took him forever to realize that there was no way to cope with this. To cope with such pain.

You had been his only source of comfort. Anything and everything in the world would be okay so long as he was with you. In a way, you were his solace.

He looked back up at his shattered self in the even more shattered mirror, and his eyes caught on movement past his shoulder.

Potter was standing behind him, a bewildered expression on his face. Draco noticed the hand reaching towards his wand and spun around quickly.

Anger consumed him. This was his one space, and  _ Potter _ was taking it from him. He was being invaded in the one place he thought he was safe. Sadness turned to rage as Draco shot an innumerable amount of curses.

Potter blocked every one of them, only serving to make Draco madder. He barely dodged the curses sent his way, focusing on doing as much damage as possible. Glass shattered behind him at one of Potter’s curses, and Myrtle began to scream loudly, telling them to stop.

How dare Potter come in here, disrupt Draco’s last place of peace, and destroy it. He had seen Draco at his worst now, had seen him in a way no one else ever had. How fucking dare he.

Draco saw red, barely noticing the bathroom door swinging open as he cried, “ _ Cruci- _ ”

He stopped as he saw your terrified face enter the trashed room. His voice choked up on the utter fear of you seeing him doing the one thing he swore he would never do to you.

Except Draco would never have the chance to stop, to apologize, to explain, as his world lit up in the most unimaginable sort of agony as Potter yelled, “ _ SECTUMSEMPRA! _ ”

-

You screamed as Draco was thrown across the room. The earth seemed to tilt on its axis and everything suddenly became backward.

You moved to run toward him, to do something -  _ anything _ \- to help him, save him, protect him.

Something had drawn you to the corridors in the middle of dinner. Like those same aligning stars wanted you to go somewhere, to something. And the most unbearable sense of dread filled you as you pushed open the door to the bathroom. You knew that whatever you had been about to witness would be horrible.

The second you had been subconsciously waiting for had been this one. It was the second every nightmare came true as Harry shot that curse at Draco.

You could barely comprehend what was happening. Not understanding the destroyed bathroom, Myrtle’s screaming, Harry’s disbelief. All you knew was that whatever it was that you were feeling, it was the most painful thing you’d ever experienced.

All you saw was red. Red mixing with water that flooded the room. Red staining crisp white. Red flowing against pale skin. Red that was coming from the one person you vowed to protect.

It was blood the shade of your mother’s favorite lipstick, your father’s splattered paint, the reddest apple in the basket - and it was  _ everywhere _ . 

You fell to your knees by his side, hands sliding on the scarlet coming from gashes cutting deep into his body -  _ too _ deep. Your tears mixed with the blood on his torso.

_ Blood blood blood- why was there so much blood? _

You felt your nightmares come true as you tried every spell, every countercurse you could think of and nothing worked. This couldn’t happen. It wasn’t  _ fair. _ This wasn’t how it was supposed to end - him bleeding out in your lap from some stupid curse that the supposed hero had cast.

Draco’s eyes fluttered open slightly as he took you in. A bloody smile contorted his face, pain mixed with a humor that you didn’t understand. His voice was strained as he spoke, “Y/N.”

You shook your head. “You’re going to be fine, just fine. Everything,” your voice cracked, “is going to be fine.”

“ **Let me tell the truth** . About everything-,” he coughed a little and your hands rushed to cover the cuts still bleeding profusely, “everything I said. You must know it was a lie.  **I just can't say I don't love you - 'Cause I love you** .”

You were shattering. You refused to accept this - never this.

“Draco, stop- look, Snape is here. He’ll fix it, he’ll fix everything,” you said through your tears, nodding helplessly. 

The professor took one look at the bloodied boy and immediately began muttering countercurses, an unreadable expression on his face. Your eyes flew open wide as the skin began to slowly mend itself back together.

Draco was only half-conscious at this point and could barely stand without Snape’s assistance. “You need the hospital wing. There may be a certain amount of scarring, but if you take dittany immediately we might avoid even that...Come…”

Your ears rang, muffling the professor’s words. You blindly followed him into and through the corridors, helping Draco in any way you could. But when you finally reached the hospital wing, Snape stopped you from entering.

“It’s almost curfew, Y/L/N. You’ll see him in a few days after he’s healed,” he told you, his usual monotone voice hinted with concern.

“I’m not leaving him, sir. He wouldn’t want that.” You looked to see Draco completely passed out, likely from the blood loss. Your chest tightened painfully. “Don’t make me leave him.”

“I don’t have the time for this. Talk to Pomfrey tomorrow, but tonight you have to go to your dorms.”

You clenched your jaw, but ceded, if only so Draco could be healed sooner. The walk back to your Common Room was silent, a numb feeling taking over. You should be crying, sobbing, breaking down.

But no. You were quiet, unfeeling. There was a hole in you. Something dark and utterly draining.

You didn’t sleep that night. Your thoughts were trapped on one thing only: platinum-blond hair and crimson-red blood.

-

For three days, Pomfrey didn’t let you into the hospital wing. She promised Draco was healing - slowly, but surely. And on that third morning, she finally gave in.

“Make it quick, alright?”

You nodded, not caring. Your eyes scanned the room, catching on the blond hair in the far corner and sped over to him. He was covered in more blankets than necessary, and you could clearly see the veins in his eyelids.

You hadn’t realized Madam Pomfrey had come up behind you until she said, “He lost a lot of blood. I’ve never seen anything quite like it - a curse I’d never heard of. I can only imagine how the caster got hold of something so dark.”

“No idea,” you replied distractedly. You were more focused on the constant rise and fall of his chest, allowing the steadiness of it to calm your own. You turned to Pomfrey, “Is he going to be okay?”

“He will be, yes. Professor Snape was able to help him in time, but I’m afraid there’ll be considerable scarring.” She tutted pityingly, her hand pressed up against his forehead. “Poor thing. I know his reputation is bad, but nobody deserves to be so scarred so young.”

You didn’t have a response to that and chose to just sit in the chair next to the bed as she walked away, eyes still watching his chest and for any signs of movement. The blankets covered most of his body, but the upper half of his torso wasn’t, and guilt festered as you saw the thick bandages on display.

He had two on his face: on his forehead and the right side of his jaw. There was one stretching across his throat to his collarbone that scared you especially. 

You had scrubbed your hands raw over the past few days, but you still hadn’t been able to rid the feeling of his blood on them.

The rest of his chest was completely wrapped, likely too many cuts to put individual bandages. They looked clean, freshly changed. You fought the urge to put your hands anywhere on him, too afraid of the damage you could bring.

“Y/N?” The voice made you jump. Draco was trying to sit up, pained, and you reached out to steady him as carefully as possible.

“Don’t sit up, you’ll hurt yourself,” you scolded him, only making him chuckle. You didn’t miss the grimace that crossed his face.

“I’m fine.”

“That’s rich.”

He scoffed jokingly, giving you a deeper look. “Are you okay?”

“Please tell me  _ you _ are not asking  _ me _ that. You’re the one in the hospital, remember?” you teased.

“Yeah, and I’ve been unconscious for most of it. I know how you are.  **You're scared to be lonely. Especially in the night** .”

It was your turn to scoff, rolling your eyes. “I was worried for you, okay? You didn’t see what I did. All the blood…” You shuddered, wringing your hands. Your eyes shut as you fought the images that rose.

Again, he tried to sit up, more successful this time. Draco adjusted the pillows behind him so he could lay against them in a sitting position. “I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to see that.”

You gently grabbed his hand. “I’m just glad you’re alright. Even if we’re not together, I still care about you. Too much, honestly.”

Draco leaned forward and wiped the tear that fell with his free hand, not backing away once he was done. “Merlin,  **I try to find reason to pull us apart. It ain't workin' 'cause you're perfect** .”

Your cheeks heated and you looked anywhere but at him. The love was all-consuming, and the emotions that you had repressed in the time without him threatened to spill over.

“ **I know that you're worth it** , Y/N, and I would do literally anything to keep you safe. It hurts, but I don’t want to risk anything,” he whispered, moving closer and twirling a piece of hair around his finger. “You said that you had enough love for the both of us. Never,  _ never _ , think that I don’t care for you. More than life, more than death, I love you.”

You swallowed, and the tears fell freely, but the lump in your throat prevented you from speaking. He was right in front of you, so why did he feel miles away? You squeezed his hand tightly, too scared that if you were to let go, he would simply disappear.

Draco returned the gesture. “ **Even though we're going through it and it makes you feel alone** -”

“Draco,” you cut him off, finding your voice.

“Just-  **Just know that I would die for you** .”

“Don’t say that - because I know you mean it. Draco,  _ don’t _ mean it. I can’t handle that.”

He smiled and shook his head. “I do mean it, completely and totally, and I need you to understand that. I would do anything for you”

“If you meant that, you wouldn’t be leaving me,” you said painfully. “If you meant any of it, you’d know that you are  _ destroying _ me by breaking us up.” This was the worst form of torture.

“Do you understand what You-Know-Who would do to you?”

“Do you understand what you are already doing to me?”

He went silent, staring at you hard.

You continued, “You say that you love me, so don’t do this. He doesn’t need to know. I know how much of a good Occlumens you are - we can get away with it.”

Despite the serious look on his face, you could sense his resolve breaking. He missed you just as much as you had him. “I don’t know, Y/N. Too much could go wrong…”

“I can handle it. Be honest, Draco, you know we only have so much time left.  **I'm not blamin' you. Just don't blame me too** .” You were getting close, you could feel it. “Give me, give us, a chance.”

It took a moment, but finally, he shook his head. “If anything happens to you, I am going to kill them all. I don’t care.” You could tell he meant it.

“I know, my love. Wait-”

You tried to pull away as he pulled you onto the bed with him, sitting up fully to place you on his lap. He winced, but didn’t stop. You gingerly placed your hands on his shoulders, getting a closer look at his face and the bandages on it.

“This is going to leave scars,” you murmured, your finger lightly tracing the bandage.

Draco leaned forward, inches from your lips. “And I can count on you to kiss them better, right?”

You laughed, your first true grin in weeks. Even now, something felt shifted, reinforced. You would make it through anything. “Every night, from now until the end of time.”

His lips met yours and you melted, losing yourself in the feeling of his skin on yours. It was soft and powerful and conveyed all the pain, all the hurt that both of you had felt since you had first separated.

He said he would die for you, and you were just as ready to do the same for him.


End file.
